Wonder as Resilience
I’ve been writing about peak moments outdoors, about wonder, about activating our sense receptors. But a skeptic might ask… why? Is this just for fun, to enjoy ourselves?
Well, if it were, that would be fine. After all, it IS good to feel good. And the benefits of experiencing joy and wonder outdoors are so much more impactful than just a good time.
Imagine two versions of you. Both versions of you are living through an unprecedented pandemic. Both versions of you are living in an imperfect, often scary and disturbing world, on a personal as well as a global level.
See one version of you walking down a path. You’re preoccupied. Maybe you’re talking on the phone or glancing at an email as you walk.Maybe you’re moving quickly to get as many steps in as you can. Maybe you’re looking at the ground as you ponder and ruminate. (Or… maybe this version of you isn’t outside at all. Maybe instead of going outside, you’re taking a break by cyberloafing, browsing through Facebook or Amazon.)
Now look away to another version of you walking down the same path. Your phone is at the bottom of your bag. Your gaze moves out in front, now up to the treetops, now all around you. You are here and you know you are here. You’re paying attention. There is an open, receptive quality to you, a sense of curiosity.
These two versions of you are experiencing the same life struggles, they are walking in the exact same place, at the same time of day.
One is open to an experience of something remarkably positive and life-enhancing like joy, wonder, amazement. This one spies a spider-web at the side of the trail, each thread glistening with dewdrops. This one hears the gentle sssshhh of a crow’s wings flapping by in the still air. This one sits for a few minutes at the base of a mighty eucalyptus tree with sun on her shoulders. Any moment, this one is ready to experience what could end up being the highlight of the day or even a favorite memory for years.
And the other… just misses it.
Why does this matter so much? My mind goes to the work of Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychologist whose book, Positivity, helped me change my life. In Positivity, Fredrickson writes about the ratio of positive experiences to negative experiences in our lives. Her research shows that there's a tipping point, that if mostly negative experiences and negative emotions occur throughout our days, we will feel like we're struggling, languishing, just barely surviving.
At a certain point, around three positive experiences to one negative, we flip from languishing or just doing okay, to flourishing and thriving. (Side note: Frederickson’s use of the word flourishing spoke to me, which is why I call my work Flourish & Bloom.)
Right now (in these trying times, as they say) everyone's going through something, often a lot of things at the same time. Pain, anxiety, and uncertainty are part of life on Earth. We don't get to choose or opt out of these difficult experiences.
But we do get to choose what is counterbalancing these stressors. We can choose to invite experiences that open us up to joy, wonder, peace, belonging, connection. We can choose to sprinkle into the dark shadow many glimpses, no matter how small, of light. And when these light-filled moments arise, we can make damn sure that we notice what’s happening and SOAK. IT. UP.
These positive moments go into our mental/emotional bank, adding into the ratio of positive/negative experiences to help counterbalance all the difficult things that are also going on, so that we still have a chance to survive and perhaps even to flourish, even in the midst of troubling times. This is called resilience.
We can access these important moments by many means, and being outdoors is just one of the most powerful and accessible ways to feed our spirits. Outdoors, with such a variety of input into our sense doors, we invite experiences of not just pleasure or okayness, but the transformative peak emotional states like wonder, awe, and connection – the felt sense that we belong in this world.
We can even take a more active role in building resilience by strengthening these peak moments. Rick Hansen’s practice of “Taking in the Good” invites us to relive a pleasant moment, to expand it and to really marinate in the sensations, emotions, and thoughts of the experience. By doing so, we bring that experience into our longer term memory and it becomes part of our resiliency toolbox, a memory that you can return to when things are bleak to remind yourself, “Yes, this is a difficult time AND wonder moments are still possible, too. I have experienced them. They are recorded within me.”
Author Phyllis Theroux wrote of these moments: “Do we all have a bit or piece of something that we instinctively cast back on when the heart wants to break upon itself and causes us to say, “Oh yes, but there was this,” or “Oh yes, but there was that,” and so we go on?”
To me, the difference between those two versions of myself is breathtaking in how small and yet huge the difference can be. Small because it’s just little choices, little moments that add up: the choice to go outdoors, to slow down, to pay attention, to linger… or not. Huge because the difference that these little choices make, over time, can be the difference between languishing or flourishing.
Which version are you?
If you’re like most of us, you’ve got a little of each version going on, and you’d like to lean toward the more peaceful and present side. Let me be a voice in your ear as you go into your outdoor space, gently reminding you to remember to be HERE, NOW — take yourself outside with your phone and headphones and try this meditation to awaken your senses!
I’m wishing you moments of feeling your aliveness,
🌸 Katie