Anchored in Community
As you may or may not know, I live in Monterey, near the harbor. There’s the part of the harbor with boats in assigned slots, and on the outer side of the wharf, there are other spots where boats are stationed at anchor. As a sometimes-open-water-swimmer, I’m always cautious when I swim by these boats: boats at anchor mostly stay where they’re put…and they also move.
The concept of the anchor is lovely to me: An anchor is a tether through water to earth, meaning that the boat is still in the sea, still floating and able to get-up-and-go at a moment’s notice, AND it is grounded. The boat can sway and move in one direction and another, but the anchor provides security—the boat will not drift out to sea, even when the wind and waves pick up.
Here’s where we dive into metaphor. :) Author Glennon Doyle speaks of supportive communities as spaces “where every person’s truest self is both held and free.” The first time that I heard this phrasing, I felt a deep YES within me.
What does it mean to be HELD?
Each of us has a need to belong. When you are safely anchored in community, your stories and experience are listened to, believed, and honored. You are met with shared joy when you are celebrating. You are met with compassion when you are struggling. You are given the gift of reciprocating as well – you get to meet your fellow humans with compassion, shared joy, shared pain.
Being held is feeling yourself securely woven into the web of shared humanity.
What does it mean to be FREE?
Let’s not skip over that part about your “truest self.” Brené Brown talks about the difference between fitting in and belonging: With fitting in, there is the sense that “I need to mold myself into the kind of person (or pretend to be the kind of person) that is welcome in this community.” Belonging is the sense that “I am an integral part of the community because of who I am.”
This is authenticity – the freedom that you give yourself to show up as who you really are. While this freedom is yours to own, the communities that you’re a part of can make authenticity easier by being open and kind. Sometimes you’re excited and effusive, sometimes you’re heavy and teary, sometimes you’re thoughtful and quiet— all of these parts of your truest self are welcome… and you can feel it.
Being free lets you access your truest self and allows you to grow and change.
Held and free. Safe and brave. Anchored and floating...
Next week, Flourish & Bloom Collective will begin anew, and hosting this community inspires me to ponder what it means to offer a space where each of us feels held and free. There are new folks who find their way to the group every few months, and there are folks who have been in the group since it began two years ago. When I ask group members what they are receiving in Flourish & Bloom Collective, the word “anchor” comes up, as in, “Our calls are an anchor in my week.” The regular weekly calls offer a place to come back to as we ride the waves of our lives, a time to check in with ourselves.
We are HELD:
A weekly call offers gentle accountability and stability, a reminder that each of us is here because we are being intentional about our journey of wellbeing and self-discovery.
Each month, we have a session devoted to connecting with each other, sharing about our lives and offering our listening ear to each other.
Each month, we have a session devoted to practice and reflection, a container to be held in while we go inward.
We are FREE:
Our way of being with each other is a practice of nonjudgment and acceptance. It is ok not to put on a sunny smile every day. It is ok to opt out of sharing and simply show up. It is ok to miss a weekly session. We understand that we are each doing our best, and we welcome each other warmly. The freedom and acceptance that we offer each other helps us to mirror this internally, toward ourselves, so that we can allow ourselves to be more and more free and authentic.
I find myself looking forward to re-beginning Flourish & Bloom Collective in August. Sure, summer feels very free, but I’m ready to be held again, and to hold.
Something to consider:
Do you feel held in your communities? Do you feel free? How might you seek both belonging and freedom, and how might you offer this to your family and friends?
If Flourish & Bloom Collective sounds like an anchor that would support you, join us now! (You start a monthly membership or opt in to the whole 11-month program.) And if you’re curious but unsure, just email me at hello@katiedutcher.com and I’m happy to discuss more with you.
I'm wishing you open water and safe harbors,
⚓️ Katie