Values: Help for When Things Get Hard
I wanted to share something that has helped me a lot recently. What do we do when life feels a bit like a slog? How about when we’re faced with something big that we need to do, but we don’t want to do it… at all?
These questions ask us to dig deep and tap into our WHY. When we dig deep, we unearth our VALUES: What matters to us? What are we committed to, at our core?
Knowing our values, or rather YOUR values— they’re specific to each one of us—gives us an anchor to return to. We can return to our values to guide us when we’re not sure what to do, and we can tap into our values to help find the deeper motivation that lies underneath what is fun or pleasant.
So the first step is to identify your values. There are many lists of values online that you can use to sort through, and I like the list and process that Brené Brown offers here. (Feel free to use words that don’t appear on her list.)
Brown recommends circling all the values that resonate with you, and then narrowing down the list. She is firm about narrowing down to one or two values! In my opinion, that’s too limiting—I’d shoot for about five, enough that it feels comprehensive, but a small enough list that you can easily remember.
When you have your little list, I recommend expanding on each of your words: since each of us may have our own interpretation, what does this word mean to you, in your own words?
Now you have a reference point, and it will serve you well, as long as you remember to return to it.
Recently I woke up weary of something I was doing, yet I knew that I had committed to doing it for a while longer. It had been fun and new at first, but now it had lost its novelty. At the same time, I didn’t want to quit—there was something that was keeping me committed.
So I went back to my list of values that I had written in my journal, and I read through until a few of my value-words resonated with me. I took some time to write in my journal about what these value-words meant to me in this particular situation. (This is yet another reason why I love journaling! It offers a handbook of yourself to remind you of important learnings, decisions, and commitments that you’ve made with yourself!)
Through reflecting and writing, my perspective shifted from the whiny-but-understandable “I don’t WANNA!” to “Right now I’m choosing to stay true to my values.” The freedom of choice is empowering, and I began to view the remaining time less as a slog to get through and more as a training ground. After all, this is how we build the important qualities of courage and tenacity: by continuing onward exactly when things feel the hardest. (Another side note: If you’d like more help with developing courage and tenacity, I created an intensive online course, Courage Amidst Uncertainty, that all Flourish and Bloom members have access to. I created this course years ago, and I still return to it myself for reminders during uncertain times!)
I hope this feels helpful to you. I plan to offer a workshop on values at some point in the future, but if you’d like some support in defining and living your values, let’s talk about mindfulness coaching—I can guide you through the process. If you’ve been considering coaching, please know that I have open coaching slots available in August, September, and October. After that, I’ll be starting my practicum for my Marriage and Family Therapy program, so I will have fewer slots available.
I'm wishing you well with whatever the summer holds,
🌼 Katie
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