Showing Up as Yourself
1/10/18 Guided Meditation: Showing Up As Yourself
What does it mean to “Show Up?” When we use this phrase in normal conversation, it means that we arrive to something—an event, a party, an appointment. We said we’d be there, and we followed through. Here we are!
Showing Up in Your Life
What does it mean to show up to your life? For me, it means something similar—being present, being here. Aren’t we always here? Well, yes, but sometimes we don’t know we’re here. It's like we’re halfway here, lost in our thoughts, five steps ahead of NOW in worry or preparation. So showing up means that we’re fully here in this moment, paying attention.
What We Show & What We Hide
If you’re like me, you may have learned over time that it isn’t always easy to show up AS YOURSELF. Perhaps it doesn’t always feel safe. Am I enough? Will people approve of me?
Most of us do show different aspects of ourselves in different contexts, but what I’m talking about is a little more extreme than that. Maybe you have a job where you feel like you need to show up as a very professional, always-knowledgeable person. Maybe with some of the people in your social circle, you feel you need to show up as a flawless, super hip, and put-together person. Maybe in a relationship, you feel you need to show up as an always-emotionally-balanced and never-wrong person. Whew, this sounds stressful...and maybe it sounds like us, at least sometimes.
The Exploration
So much growth can happen this this arena, when we explore: Who am I? What does it mean to be me? What do I like, prefer, think, feel, need? And then… What would it be like to be fully me in ALL arenas in my life? What would it look like to show up AS MYSELF, without apology? (I was going to say “without fear,” but then I remembered that fear can and often will be there...and we can show up anyway.)
Showing up as yourself in all arenas with all of your needs and feelings, means being vulnerable, and it means being strong. Yes, it often feels scary. And it also often feels amazing—as if we’ve broken the chains that trapped us, or crawled out of a box into the sunlight.
What does that actually mean in practice? What does it look like to be fully you?
Speaking Up
Often, it means speaking more and letting our words be more honest. I’m not saying that we’ve been lying...but perhaps we sugar-coat things. If we think we should be ok with something, but we aren’t really ok with something, we might pretend that it’s was fine. This often leads to resentment, because somehow people are supposed to know our real feelings?! So showing up as ourself means saying real things like, “Something about that doesn’t sit right with me. I feel uncomfortable.” “I’m not sure how I feel about that. Let me think.” “I don’t understand. Please tell me more.” “Here’s what my thought process is.” “When you said that, here’s how it made me feel.”
Is this aggressive? Are we saying, “I gotta be me, take it or leave it!”? Nope. But it means engaging more, and avoiding conflict while aiming to please people at all costs.
Recognizing Our Needs
Another way that we can show up as myself is by recognizing and addressing our needs. As we get to know ourselves better, we learn more and more about our needs for feeling comfortable, happy, and well. Then we make efforts to treat ourselves as we need to be treated.
Making these efforts to acknowledge and tend to our own needs helps in so many ways. For one thing, it just feels better physically and mentally. Rather than feeling like we’re on the edge of being ok, we may feel actually nourished. It also feels much better in that we’re proving to ourselves that we matter. We matter enough for our needs to be on the table, rather than hidden in our own heads.
What About You?
Are there times when it feels unsafe to be fully yourself? What does it look like for you to show up as yourself? I've created some questions to get you thinking and writing about this. These reflection pages make a nice "Saturday morning with coffee" activity. Let me know what you discover!