Tools for Introverts
Practices for Meeting Your Needs
& Cultivating Your Strengths
Practices & Tools
“You are loved and supported. You are safe and secure, encircled by a shield of protection. You are enough, just as you are.”
Are you introverted or extroverted? Quiz
Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Take a quiz to find out.
Workbook (paper or digital or coached), “Transform Your Relationship to Anxiety” with readings, guided audio meditations, and journal prompts.
My YouTube channel with guided meditations
In-the-Moment Practices
Ground
Feel your feet on the ground. If you’re sitting, feel your body meeting the chair. Just sense that you are right here, that there is earth underneath you.
Breathe
Just that. Sit and take a few (or many) breaths. If you want, put your hand on your stomach and feel it expand and contract. Focusing on your breath connects you to this moment right here, and to your own body. If it feels too hard to focus, try this 5-Finger Breathing technique.
Cut the Cord
When you’re with another person and feeling their energy coming on a bit too strongly, underneath a table or in some other unnoticeable way, make a “snip-snip” motion with your fingers. This serves as a signal that you’re cutting off the too-strong cord of energy between the two of your. It doesn’t mean that you’re severing the relationship or detaching from the conversation. It simply reminds you that you are you and this person is them. While you may care about their concerns, you don’t need to take them on as your own. (From Judith Orloff’s “Survival Guide for Empaths”)
Qigong Brush-off
Feel your feet on the ground. Begin rubbing your hands briskly against each other, building warmth and friction. After doing this for 20 seconds or so, brush your palms down your head and face, as if sweeping off dust. Flick your hands toward the ground as if flicking off excess water. Then rub your hands together again, and then brush off the front and backs of the arms, flicking the hands toward the ground. Continue like this, generating energy in the hands and brushing off the chest and abdomen, the shoulders and low back, the fronts and backs of the legs. End with one more sweep of any area that you feel needs another pass.
Qigong deals with energy, and so this practice is one of clearing out old energy, negativity, anything that needs to be cleared out. After you do this, you might spend a few moments standing with your palms out, inviting and breathing in fresh energy. Even if you are not so convinced about negative and positive energy, I find that just these body movements and intentions of sweeping away and clearing out help me to switch gears and begin afresh, leaving behind what came before and moving into what is next. On days when I need to make quick transitions, I have even been known to do this practice in the car, making sweeps of various areas while seated at red lights, flicking my hands toward the open windows, breathing in the fresh air coming in.
The “Restorative Niche”
The phrase “Restorative Niche” was coined by Brian Little to describe a place and a short period of time where we go to come back to ourselves. Whether it’s closing your office door, retreating to a seldom-used restroom cubicle, taking a walk, or going to your car, try to find a spot where you can be all alone, particularly before and/or after meetings or presentations that sap your energy.
Mirror Talk / Car Talk
Stand in front of a mirror. Look into your eyes. Put your hand on your heart, and smile at yourself with kindness and warmth. Perhaps this is enough—a moment to really see yourself and acknowledge that you are here and you are doing the best that you can. It can also be very helpful to talk to yourself. Somehow, seeing yourself in the mirror allows you to speak to yourself almost with an outsider’s perspective, and as we may know, we often find it easier to be kind to others than ourselves. So even though it may feel strange at first, let yourself speak to yourself, even silently. “I see you here. I see that you are struggling, and that you’re doing the best that you can. You wish that you weren’t feeling anxious, but that’s what’s here right now. That’s ok. You will make it through this. You’ve made it through feeling anxious many times before, haven’t you…” This is an example of what I might say to myself, but just let your words flow. You may be surprised by what you hear.
What’s the kindest thing?
Just ask this question to yourself. What would be the kindest response right now to yourself given this situation? Let your response lead you into tending to your needs as much as you can right now.
Power Poses
Writing Exercises
KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS
Check out this blog post and get the accompanying handout for exploring your core attributes. Knowing these gives you data that helps you feel more and more confident about your unique abilities.
YOUR BEST PROCESS
Write your “Recipe for Success.” Pretend that you’re being interviewed, and the question is, “How do you do it?! Walk us through how you manage to be so successful!” When you want to do really well at something (or in the past when you have felt confident and successful), what’s the process that you follow? How far in advance do you prepare? What steps do you take? Which of your strengths do you use at various stages? Lay out your best process, and then follow it. The more so synch up with what works for you every time, the more confident you will feel about your process, and thus, your preparation and competence.
WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE
Think of a time, in the past or coming soon, that has you feeling anxious, wondering how you will show up, how things will go. (Or do this practice in the moment of anxiousness!) Now imagine that you are coaching yourself. You are taking yourself beyond the fear and uncertainty, into a larger perspective, a bigger and more complete picture. What do you say to yourself? What do you need to hear, to remember? What do you know to be true?
COST/BENEFIT ANALYSIS
When you’re approaching a task that seems challenging (like giving a presentation or having a difficult conversation), examine it carefully. Using this Needs Inventory, analyze: what needs are being met? What needs seem to be at risk? Does it feel like the energy cost of this task is outweighed by the needs being met? If so, this is good information to hang on to. The next time you feel like, “Ulgh, why am I doing this to myself again?!” you can take a look and know exactly why, and reassure yourself that it will be worth the effort. (And if it doesn’t seem to be meeting any important needs… then maybe don’t do it anymore! Leave that task for the folks who have different strengths.)
Great Books
Susan Cain, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”
Elaine Aron, “The Highly Sensitive Person”
Judith Orloff, “The Empath’s Survival Guide”
Brene Brown, “The Gifts of Imperfection”
Curate Your Social Media Feeds
Just to name a few on Instagram…
@introvertdear, @thenapministry, @introvertdoodles, @weflourishandbloom
@mindfulmagazine, @mantramagazine, @introverts.are.us, @insighttimer
@highlysensitiverefuge, @lisaolivertherapy, @the.holistic.psychotherapist, #hsp, #introvert
Want More?
Take a Course: I offer various courses, meditations, and retreats throughout the year — take a look at what’s coming up soon. If you’re looking to hone in on mindfulness and personal growth, Flourish & Bloom Collective is a cozy and supportive online group.
Work One-on-One: If you’d like some support, accountability, and individualization as you implement new ways of being, let’s work together! Choose your focus: mindfulness, self-discovery, connection with the natural world. Email me at hello@katiedutcher.com or check out my coaching page.
Invite me to speak to your group or team: I’m passionate about this work! I enjoy customizing this valuable content for the needs of various groups, whether through experiential workshops or courses. Email me at hello@katiedutcher.com or check out my speaking page.