And Now... We Rest
I wanted to write about rest, a big comprehensive essay about rest, and it would seamlessly connect all my ideas and weave in quotes from all my favorite authors… and all of a sudden this writing became a daunting task and I did not want to write about rest.
Soon I realized that to write this, I needed to write with the very qualities of rest-- moving at the pace of life, unhurried and unbound by time. I needed to romance my way to it through ritual. At last, I stopped trying to fit a writing block within my workday, and I surprised myself by beginning in the evening before dinner— showered, bodily tired, loose. I prepared a cup of herbal tea with honey, I lit a candle, and I sat on the couch with a soft fleece blanket on my lap, fairy lights glinting along the rafters.
And now… I know why I have been avoiding this: because REST feels huge to me. There is so much to say about why so many of us feel like we don’t know how to rest or why we are always in a hurry. There is so much I am seeking to learn and unlearn about rest.
Blowing a raspberry to perfectionism (the one who is insisting on that amazing essay), I’m just going to let this flow out taking its own form. A poem? An essay? Is it for you? For me? For us? Nevermind, shhh, it’s beginning.
A Short List of Reasons Why We Won’t Rest
Time = Money = Worth
Capitalism tells us that time is money. At all times, we should do something productive. This is how we earn our worth. This view dominates many, but not all, cultures. Another sneaky cultural belief is that when you’re busy, you matter. Busyness is status: notice how you might ask a favor of a high-status person, “You’re probably really busy but...” We assume that the wealthiest people have no time.
The Muchness of Everything
I don’t know if this is widely felt, or related to being a Highly Sensitive Person, but much of the time, it feels to me like there are too many things, too much to do, too many options. Somehow I feel the need to complete everything, all at once!
The Urgency of Everything
Because of this muchness, we get sucked into urgency, thinking that everything must be accomplished, all deadlines must be met at all costs, every appointment must be hurried toward, every phone call, email, and text must be volleyed back promptly or else we are losing the game. This is a game that so many people are playing, so it can be difficult to see it as what it is: a choice.
Anxiety + Perfectionism
Oh, and anxiety is behind so much of this! Along with anxiety’s best friend, perfectionism! This terrible twosome stands in the background singing in harmony, “Nothing is ok, but it might be ok if you keep on working harder and get everything right.”
If you call yourself Type A, perfectionist, if you are hella organized, a go-getter, on-top-of-things… I love you and you’re great. And you fricking need rest, I know you do. You are afraid to stop. If you stopped then… what?
And oh how we need REST!
The body is tight from sitting in a chair.
The mind is foggy from work, soggy from screens.
The spirit is clouded from the interactions and experiences of our days.
When We are Over-Tired
When we are over-tired, we tend to fall toward our oldest and least beneficial habits, with less spare energy for willpower, for building new neural networks, for presence.
Our ideas are stale; we don’t have the looseness and creativity to see new ideas, new ways. We get stuck, running into the same wall.
Ironically, we become even more resistant to rest, the best thing that would help us, like a baby who misses its nap window and now cannot, will not sleep.
When we’re overtired, we’re irritable, and we’re not at our best in our relationships. We get judgy— If I don’t let myself rest, why should you? Why do you deserve this and not me? If I can push myself through, why can’t you? We push forward and pass along the same ideas that got us into this mess...
We often turn to Fake Rest, passive entertainment on the tv and/or other devices. In Fake Rest, we feel like we are resting because the body is still and the content is what we’ve chosen. But... the body is often frozen into stiff and painful postures for hours, which is not restful or kind to the neck, back, eyes. The mind and emotions are constantly stimulated with images and sounds that are often geared to take us on an emotional ride. We do not feel rested after this.
When we don’t choose rest, when we chronically don’t choose rest… our body chooses for us. This is intensely NOT PLEASANT! When whispers are ignored, we get a shriek from the body that forces us to pay attention.
AND NOW… WE REST
But it doesn’t have to get to that point.
We can rest at any time, heck, we can rest right NOW! [I just stopped typing and closed my eyes and rested for a few breaths. Why not try it?] We can weave in rest as an integral part of our life. And it’s not just naps— we can do what we do in an unhurried, graceful way that calms and grounds us. We can choose rest again and again.
The Rest Attitude says...
I let things be as they are. No energy need go to fixing, changing, adjustments.
There is no need for hurry. I let things take the time they take.
I let myself be as I am. I tune in to my energy, to my body. I just feel myself just being me.
I move at the pace of life. I go slowly, or not at all.
I de-prioritize efficiency. What is more important than efficiency?
I have no need to force or push, to insist on certain outcomes.
I don’t tell myself stories about better, more… I go with enough.
I wander. If I do, I do things that are slow and meandering and have no apparent aim.
Kindness is my whole deal. I choose what is best for me, and I know it is of benefit.
My tenets are Grace and Ease in all things.
Feel the softness that comes into your body
When you trust that all is unfolding in its own perfect way,
That nothing that’s meant for you can get away from you.
As You Begin to Rest
As you begin to rest, you cultivate trust: to know that your body-mind doesn’t lie; if you feel like you need rest, you do need rest. You trust that you will be able to feel when it’s enough, that the wheel turns back around to cycles of higher energy in its own time. You trust that there will be enough time for everything that matters.
As you begin to rest, you cultivate self-worth. You truly believe that you are deserving of rest, ease, and time. You follow-through on your body-mind’s signals, with the kindness to choose what is best for you, and the courage to question old habits and old beliefs.
As you begin to rest, you feel restlessness and boredom, and you breathe curiosity into your experience. As you begin to rest, you feel pulled by every voice you’ve ever heard that said, Get busy. Are you just going to sit there!? In your embrace of rest, you are choosing to shed cultural and familial ways… and so you will experience real discomfort, deep and existential! What will happen if you experience all of it, boredom, restlessness, discomfort, see it through, and find out what lies on the other side?
What Will You Receive?
Rest will give you much: renewed energy, clarity of mind, peace of heart, perhaps new ideas, creative spins that would not have occurred to you before. You can use these gifts to help convince yourself to rest, to help push back against the “worthless and lazy” voice. Rest is meaningful, rest is fruitful, rest is needed.
Remind yourself that all living creatures rest, that even machines need fuel. Remind yourself that rest brings refreshment.
And at some point, let go of what you hope to get after you rest.
Take it as a beautiful gift to yourself, as a ritual, as a necessity.
